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Fetish; fairy tales, pornography, and Language
Fairy tales are a fetish. It is as though the very thought of a waif-ish and delicate Cinderella sends souls into ecstasy, or the very words once upon a time are sexed and supple. This fantasy of sleeping beauties and heroic and stoic prince-handsomes are laden with some senseless comfort that we cling to ever so painfully. Popular culture lays eagerly within the bed frame of the once upon a time culture, as the roles prescribed to the tragic damsel in distress and the brawny prince have come to eerily manifest themselves in the gender roles prevalent in society. And so gratuitously have we emulated ourselves after the princess whose sole mission is to betroth her existence to a prince, or the prince whos sole mission is to find the betrothed. The fantasy lies, however, for it is these starry- eyed fantasies and gender roles that are the purveyors of gender discrimination. Even within the marrow of our language does gender roles and discrimination proliferate, so as to
perpetuate the prevailing assumption that women, by virtue of their very existence, are inferior to men, and that mens inherent gender roles are either superior to women or more vital to humanity. For even though the fairy tale sings a tune of happy endings and glass slippers, it is the gender role fantasy that is used to justify gender and societal bigotry.
Once upon a time was a society immersed in a disillusioned fantasy, in which men were men and women were women. For them women were mothers, house keepers, nurses, secretaries, beautified, advertised, degraded, and sublimated. For them, men were fathers, bread winners, doctors, bosses, rugged, advertisers, praised, free. The fairy tale has not changed throughout history. The patriarch continues to reign and although women have gained tremendously and ameliorated much of the undermining, gender roles continue to undermine both sexes, and allow a vessel through which gender discrimination and bigotry can manifest. As society continues to thumb through the pages of our fairy tale, gender roles continue to hinder the progression of humanity.
The language that which we use has long been the perpetuating element in the bigotry that gender roles present. The very language used to describe various occupations has come to connote a gender specific role. Since the feminist movement of the 1920s women, and men, have come to question what their roles are occupationally, however culture is immersed in gender specific characteristics and to betray your gender specific role is to somehow betray your role in the fairy tale. Language allows us to believe that the sub categories of predominately male occupations are predominately female positions. A secretary, for example, has long been the subordinate female of a male boss. A nurse has long been the female subsidiary to a male doctor. Our popular media oriented culture has long implanted these images into society, and therefore we oblige and obey. This stems from the gender role specific laden culture in which women in society are, in essence, the subsidiary to men. As w
e have been taught through the media and have communicated through language our fairy tale tells us that women are secondary in a very male culture. For as Aleen Pace Nilsen states in her essay Sexism in English: Embodiment and Language, Language and society are as intertwined as a chicken and an egg. The language culture uses is telltale evidence of the values and beliefs of that culture (414). Theref
ore, culturally we have come to live the words that which are used to prescribe gender roles to both men and women. Gender roles in this sense hinder an individuals ability to seek out that which suits them more appropriately. Superficial characteristics of an individual, such as occupation, in this society have come to define women and men carelessly.
Fairy Godmother forbid one wishes to dismiss the occupationally gender specific role prescribed to his or her gender. Language has also been the forbearer of the degradation of individuals who display such gender betrayal. Women who are determined and ambitious as business women or bosses are swiftly dismissed as bitches or controlled and undermined by either the sexualization of her ambition (i.e. a sexually aggressive woman like that of a dominatrix) or granted disrespect from her male and female employees. For as Nilsen trumpets in her Sexism in English: Embodiment and Language, Women are sexy; men are successful. (414). And for a woman to desire to be successful, may a curse fall upon her magic kingdom.
Beyond occupational elements, language has come to further communicate what are and what are not acceptable characteristics for men and women, which in turn further define the constraint of gender roles. Terms in language that have come to connote a predominately female disposition usually entail a prevailing passivity, and virgin vulnerability, where as terms that describe predominately men are edged with brawn, heroism, and much more seemingly positive over tones. Nilsen examines this phenomenon in her essay, The word shrew taken from a the name of a small but especially vicious animal was define in my dictionary as an ill-tempered scolding woman, but the word shrewd taken from the same root was defined as marked by clever, discerning awareness and was illustrated with the phrase a shrewd business man (420). Language prescribes these roles to both women and men which further degrades them as individuals. Again, if a woman or a man chooses to define him or her self by
individual merit, language has the remedy as it can easily chastise both male and females for such gender betrayal. Women are bitches, men are pussies. Women are shrews, men are sissies. The punishment for removing ones self from ones gender role appear to be in that the language chastises a woman for having characteristically male attributes and thus she is bitchy. For a male to take on more sensitiv
e, and female attributes he is a wuss. Women and men are both locked in the grim bell tower within the constraints of the gender role castle.
Yet how dangerous is a dragon with out its fire? Similarly, how caustic to humanity are words with out their constant re-enforcement? Would the tales of Sleeping Beauty or Snow White be as titillating with out visual aids? Could they ever be as beautiful in our minds with out having their images beaten in to our consciousness? Language with out perpetuation could be over thrown with conscious effort. However through the vacuum that is the media our story continues to recline upon the sexualization of women, and men, to further render gender roles as the predominate criterion by which one identifies ones self. Culture is pornographic; sex, the media, and society are the continuum that which propels us. Through sex advertisers and pornographers are able to reach into our subconsciousness and inseminate often insidious images- the underlining concepts of our culture; that sex is the great in-equalizer, not because it is inherent, but because it is by how we function. We functio
n beneath the shroud of gender roles that like violent pornography degrade, dehumanize, and subordinate both women and men. Also gender roles, like pornography, sexualize either party for the purpose of expounding upon un-truths such as that women are merely sexual creatures to be taken and men are merely the takers.
Curiously we as a society condemn pornography for its exploitation of an individuals humanity. However gender roles are equally as dehumanizing. Gender roles are the parameters under which we operate and sex (pornographically) in advertising is the appetizing stigma that which is both offensive yet conversely comforting. We receive images through advertising that re-enforce the gender roles that we are familiar with. Women portrayed in these images are the submissive sexual subordinate to an aggressive male. Mens sexuality in these images appear to be so sacred that he is neither abrasively sexual nor subtly so until the overtly sexual female is brought into his immediate perception. In her essay, Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt; Advertising and Violence, Jean Kilbourne examines how sexualizing gender roles though advertising and the media are both overtly supported and subliminally re-enforced. Sex in advertising is more about disconnection and distance than connection an
d closeness
..the main goal, as in pornography, is usually power over another, either by the physical dominance or preferred status of men or what is seen as the exploitive power of female beauty and sexuality
..sex in advertising is pornographic because it dehumanizes and objectivities people
(445). Kilborne further examines this as she states that, Perhaps it is simply designed to get our attention, b
y shocking us and by arousing unconscious anxiety. Or perhaps the intent is more subtle and designed to play into the fantasies of domination
. (450).
Essentially, we are all porn stars in this fairy tale. Our story is drenched in a sexism that is both degrading and sexy. It is through the sexualization of gender roles that they become more easily intercepted. A woman whos greatest virtue is how sexually receptive men are to her is valued for her willingness to accept her role as merely a sexualized object. For the woman is, in effect, the Belle of the Beastly ball. Her role is rewarded through what the media presents as the goal of every woman which is to be the object of mens sexual desires. It is our societal fetish to sexualize the constraints of gender roles. Women, in particular, are the purveyors of all sexuality in advertising and the whore or slut, as language would convey, that which is rewarded for accepting her sexual role in advertising and pornography. And as Jean Kilbourne explains, she must accept what ever negative must come from what apparently come so natural, sexiness, whether that be the violation
of her body or the violation of her human sensibilities in advertising and pornography (449).
But who are these violators? We have all violated women and men by indulging in the excessive sexual gender roles that the media, advertising, and violent pornography present. If it was not for our glutinous fascination with such mediums, perhaps sexualized gender roles would not be as readily apparent nor available. Further our willingness to be the actors of such gender roles would diminish if we could make the connection between dehumanization and gender roles.
What if it was at all possible that we are aware of the harm that the sexualization of gender roles causes? Does this in fact reiterate the fetish aspect of gender roles and fetish fairy tale? In deed, for the masochistic aspect of blindly accepting ones gender role is another element to the prevailing gender roles in our society that continue to dominate. As Andrea Dworkin states in her book, Women Hating , it is possible that gender roles, as constraining as they are, are to secure a masochistic desire to proliferate the sexualization of gender roles,
response to the woman who is [sexualized] is a learned fetish, societal in its dimensions. Romance based on role differentiation, superiority based on a culturally determined and rigidly enforced inferiority, shame and guilt and fear of women and sex itself: all necessitate the perpetuation of [this]
(16).
Advocates for gender roles and for the good they do for society and young men and young women falter without fail to critically analyze the more sinister and constraining attributes of gender roles. For although gender roles may allow identification to be more easily obtained, the ramifications for supporting gender roles are in that one often fails to see how gender roles are not merely means of identification but also used as grounds for exploitation as in pornography. By using gender roles as the vessel through which exploitation can excel pornography and other sexual mediums (including the general media) can propose negative definitions of what exactly it is to be a woman or what exactly it is to be a man . Sexual articulations of both genders excrete in our pornographic culture and as a result attach themselves to the roles that men and women assume by virtue of their existence in this society. As a result we all assume the curse that befallen upon sleeping beauty,
except our slumber is of human dignity.
Where the story ends is perhaps where the exploitive aspect of gender role sexualization is no longer an integral element of society. To champion gender roles as the means by which one can more readily find identity is to discredit ones innate ability to know ones self with out the constraints of gender roles. And although language and the media have created the perfect grounds for such glutinous pleasures, the fairy tale as a concept does not have to be cast out into the catacombs of a bleak finality. Pumpkin turning coaches, and romantic kisses that awaken are the fibers that which weave such an innocent tapestry under which we can dream. However in order preserve such a virginity of essence Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Prince Charming, The Wicked Witch of the East/West, the Tin Man and all of the 7 dwarves must arms themselves and slay the fire breathing dragon to save the kingdom so we can all live happily ever after.
