u:
Hi,
Thanks for the proofreading!
> - before us paved to way to → "paved the way"
Fixed.
> - heartwarming to received 36 → "receive"
Fixed.
> - under our mentoring in 2011 → "with our mentoring"
I think that "under our mentoring" is more correct:
https://ludwig.guru/s/under+the+mentoring
https://ludwig.guru/s/with+the+mentoring
> - crowd-funding campaign in benefit of Tails tools → "to benefit Tails"
Fixed.
> - have repeatedly stated the importance of Tails in their work → "for
> their work"
Fixed.
> - we still had a lot of work to make Tails easy to use by most people →
> this sentence is a bit hard to read. What about "there was still a lot
> of work to be done to make Tails easy to use"
Your version is longer and use a passive voice which is usually
considered as harder to read and more ambiguous. I tried to improve my
sentence by adding a second verb, while keeping the active voice.
See
https://www.plainlanguage.gov/guidelines/conversational/use-active-voice/
> - ensure it's long term → "ensure long term"
Replaced "it's" with "its".
> - "full-time, most of them part-time or freelance." → I would change
> that sentence for reasons known to author by deleting "or freelance".
> Freelance has nothing to do with how much you work.
I changed "freelance" into "consultant", which is what we already have
on /jobs.
For me "part-time" means something stable but part-time (eg. 1 day a
week), while consultant/freelance means "1 shot" (eg. on 1 contract).
> - every body → everybody
Fixed.
> - freedom fighters → I have a bit of an issue with this term.
I copied it from /contribute/mission where I thought that people would
have more problems with "human-rights defenders". I'm personally fine
with both.
> - The digital security trainers and technologist who got exciting about
> → "technologists" (plural) and "excited"
Fixed.
--
sajolida
Tails —
https://tails.boum.org/
UX · Fundraising · Technical Writing
