Re: [Tails-project] Blog post: "Celebrating 10 years of Tail…

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Autor: sajolida
Datum:  
To: Public mailing list about the Tails project
Betreff: Re: [Tails-project] Blog post: "Celebrating 10 years of Tails!"
u:

Hi,

Thanks for the proofreading!

> - before us paved to way to → "paved the way"


Fixed.

> - heartwarming to received 36 → "receive"


Fixed.

> - under our mentoring in 2011 → "with our mentoring"


I think that "under our mentoring" is more correct:

https://ludwig.guru/s/under+the+mentoring
https://ludwig.guru/s/with+the+mentoring

> - crowd-funding campaign in benefit of Tails tools → "to benefit Tails"


Fixed.

> - have repeatedly stated the importance of Tails in their work → "for
> their work"


Fixed.

> - we still had a lot of work to make Tails easy to use by most people →
> this sentence is a bit hard to read. What about "there was still a lot
> of work to be done to make Tails easy to use"


Your version is longer and use a passive voice which is usually
considered as harder to read and more ambiguous. I tried to improve my
sentence by adding a second verb, while keeping the active voice.

See
https://www.plainlanguage.gov/guidelines/conversational/use-active-voice/

> - ensure it's long term → "ensure long term"


Replaced "it's" with "its".

> - "full-time, most of them part-time or freelance." → I would change
> that sentence for reasons known to author by deleting "or freelance".
> Freelance has nothing to do with how much you work.


I changed "freelance" into "consultant", which is what we already have
on /jobs.

For me "part-time" means something stable but part-time (eg. 1 day a
week), while consultant/freelance means "1 shot" (eg. on 1 contract).

> - every body → everybody


Fixed.

> - freedom fighters → I have a bit of an issue with this term.


I copied it from /contribute/mission where I thought that people would
have more problems with "human-rights defenders". I'm personally fine
with both.

> - The digital security trainers and technologist who got exciting about
> → "technologists" (plural) and "excited"


Fixed.

--
sajolida
Tails — https://tails.boum.org/
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