Hi,
Mathieu Goessens:
> I did gave a quick look to the draft of the announcement:
> https://wiki.debian.org/BSP/2017/05/fr/Paris/Announcement
> - I believe the Goals and principles section would be better if it was
> redacted in one or two paragraphs and not a bullet list (maybe the
> bullet could be move to the main page and linked at the end of the
> paragraph if needed).
I've had a few comments out-of-band about this section, that I've just
addressed. I'll explain the concerns and corresponding changes, and
then we'll see if your suggestion still applies to the current text.
One comment I've heard is that nested lists (bullet points inside the
"safe space" bullet point) were too complicated, so I've simplified
this section.
Another comment was that "Goals and principles" felt too long if we
keep it before the section where we tell the reader what will actually
happen during the event, so I've added to the introduction a short
list of what we'll be doing there. The person who provided this
feedback initially felt it addressed his concern adequately.
With these two changes applied, I think it's OK to keep "Goals and
principles" above "What we will be doing", which I really like.
Do they also address the problem your proposed solution is meant to
solve? If not, please state what this problem is, and I'll be happy to
rework the text accordingly :)
If we want to make "Goals and principles" even shorter, we could:
* Drop "Dinner will be self-organized once we are there". It doesn't
provide substantially more actionable info than not saying anything
about dinner at all.
* Drop "In other words: if you're part of a group that is currently
under-represented in computer communities, we would like you to be
able to attend" (which is essentially a rephrasing of the previous
two sentences.)
Cheers,
--
intrigeri
